To be honest, I used to struggle with the same thing. That is, until I realized this: the only person I was hurting was, well, me. The same goes for you. You’re an amazing, strong woman who is 100 percent deserving of love. Your curves are not a deterrent. They’re a part of the beautiful person you are.
And guess what…I’m right there with you. I went through a breakup this summer that has forced me to get back in the saddle. Here are my 8 top tips for setting up your awesome online dating profile.
Use current, honest photos – and include at least one full body pic.
I can’t tell you how many pictures I’ve run across that show guys like 15 years ago. One guy even had a screenshot of his senior picture from high school along with his military photo from way back in the day with absolutely no pictures of him in current times. No, no, no.
Your goal is to be honest. Please don’t use a picture of yourself from way back when. Yes, you might have that one photo where you’re 30 pounds lighter with zero wrinkles and a tan. Great. I’m happy for you. But that guy you meet on a date is going to be annoyed.
Your goal is to use at least three pictures that aren’t more than one to two years old. Sure, you should include that selfie from the perfect angle that makes you look like a rockstar. But you should also have at least one full body pic that isn’t posed at a deceptive angle. And you should have at least one pic where you’re not all dolled up.
Be 100 percent honest. Don’t pick that one full body pic where you look like anything but yourself. You don’t want them to say “wow, she looks sooooo much different than she does in her profile pics.” That means you should ditch the filters as well. Real pics, real you. You’re beautiful just as you are. Choose pics that look like you would on an everyday basis.
Choose pictures that tell your life story.
You’ve got things you love. If you love spending time with your friends, post a dinner pic with your besties. If you love hiking, post a pic where you’re in the middle of the forest. If you love gardening, show yourself doing that. Use pictures that tell your life story. Your profile will be a lot more compelling, which will help you to stand out in the masses.
Answer all the questions you’re given with full honesty.
Be real. The only question you might choose not to answer with full honesty is your name. I use my initials on some sites for privacy and safety purposes. Otherwise, your life is full game. Be honest in what you’re looking for. If you don’t want a long-term fella, don’t pretend you do. And if you don’t want the “hook up” type of guy, specify this.
Take your dating profile as seriously as you would your resume. Put time into telling your potential matches about yourself. And don’t be afraid to be honest about being curvy. Remember, being curvy isn’t a negative thing. It’s who you are. There are tons of men out there who appreciate that.
Block time off to respond to messages — and be selective in who you respond to.
You’d block time off for job interviews, right? The same goes for dating. You’re investing time into your future. Block at least a half hour off every single day to respond to messages. If it doesn’t take you a half hour, that’s fine. But make sure you have the time available.
However, I want you to remember something. You need to be selective. You’re not a consolation prize. And you might not like this, but I’m going to say it. A lot of plus-size women have low self-esteem in the dating world. They think it’s great that some good looking guy is handing over his time and attention.
No, no, no. You’re 100 percent worthy of love and affection. Do not settle for a player or someone you’re not really into. Set your standards high. You are worthy and deserving of a great relationship. Who cares if one guy doesn’t appreciate your curves! He’s not worth your time. The next guy will. You are in control of your destiny. Make good choices.
Meet him now, not six months later.
Don’t wait months to meet him. In this day and age, it’s so easy to get into a texting relationship that feels real. I’ve done this more times than I can count. Find out if the chemistry is there. Don’t be scared. You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
Don’t let your fears rule your dating life.
We all worry that he won’t be into us if he sees us as we really are. We worry about our bumps and bulges. We’re scared that our cellulite will turn him off. We’re terrified that he won’t be into us when he sees us when we’re not all dolled up.
You’ve got to be secure with yourself. That doesn’t mean you should wait until you’re 100 percent comfortable with your body to date. It means you’ve got to be in a place where you’re not looking to a guy for approval. Not only is this unhealthy, it sets you up for heartbreak later.
The right guy will adore you just because you’re you. He’s not going to focus on your belly bulge, or your thigh cellulite. He’s going to love your beautiful smile, your sense of humor, and your passion for life. He’s not looking for what you perceive to be flaws.
That said, watch for the fetish guys. There are men out there who love large breasts, curvy booties, or big tummies. Ditch those guys like a bad habit. If you notice that he’s talking smack in his messages, move on.
Don’t let rejection stop you in your pursuit.
You’re probably going to get rejected at some point. Everyone does, plus-size or not. When this happens, get back in the saddle and keep moving forward. Rejection isn’t personal; it’s part of life.
Be true to what you’re looking for.
When online dating puts you in the spotlight, it can throw you off guard. If you’re not used to getting attention, you’re more likely to veer off the path of what you really want. As my friend Kristin once taught me, make a list of what you do and don’t want. Are there things that are deal breakers? Do you want someone who likes to travel? Are small kids an issue? Is religion a factor? Does he like to go to the gym like you do? Is family of importance to you, or him? Be true to who you are. Look for someone with similar interests, not the first shiny new thing that comes into your path.
With time and effort, you will find your prince charming. What are you waiting for, girl? Take that leap and put up your online profile today. You’ve got this. If I can do it, you can too.
Do you have online dating tips to share? Post in the comments below.