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Columnist Kandis Draw: Dating Chronicles of a Single Woman

FEATURED COLUMNISTS Curvicality Plus Size Magazine
Don’t we all have bad dating experiences? Times where you meet a guy, date for a while, think this thing is going somewhere … but it doesn’t? Kinda heartbreaking, right? 

Or sometimes, you know before the waiter even walks up with the menus that this was a Big Mistake.

A few months back, I went on a date with a man that I had been talking to for a few weeks, and we finally agreed to meet for dinner. Now, usually a girl would drive herself to a date, but I let him pick me up. Spoiler: Big mistake! The drive there was fine … great conversation, etc. But once we got seated and ordered dinner, the fun began.

He mentioned that he needed to tell me something. I was all ears, simultaneously listening and concentrating on not dropping spaghetti all over my perfectly planned outfit. Then the bomb drops.

I don’t even know where to start! First, he told me that he had run into some financial issues and his lender had foreclosed on his loft. It didn’t stop there. Then he said his child’s mother had told him that he could stay with her while he got back on his feet, and he had been there for a few weeks. 

Um, OK?

He assured me that they weren’t together, but that he felt it was good to be there for his daughter. His ex had men over, and he said I could spend the night from time to time because his ex was OK with it. He then asked if I was OK with it. 

Wait, what?

After I gathered my thoughts, I gave the best response I could think of. 

“Thank you for your honesty, but no, that situation is not OK with me. I don’t want to get up in the morning and make coffee, and have her in the kitchen with me. So no, this is not OK.” (Why would I ever be OK with this arrangement? Everyone runs into hard times. I get it. But dude!)

He got very angry with me, called me an unflattering insult and said that he didn’t have to tell me (per his words) “s#it!” Then he stomped off saying he had to “pee.”

Who are you to speak to me that way?” I thought. I decided to get my butt out of there. I flagged down that waitress, told her to bring the check, slid it over to his side, boxed up my food, called an Uber and left. 

You heard me. I got out of there! Yes, once he realized that I left he started blowing up my cell phone, leaving messages and angry texts. I ignored him, and we have not spoken since. 

I bet a lot of us have crazy dating stories to tell.

I think we can all agree that dating in general can be tough. Add in work pressure, children if you have them and all the other demands of our lives, and it’s nerve-wracking. 

For single parents, there are extra concerns. You can’t just choose a partner you like; you have to be careful and strategic about who you bring around your children, and how soon. Just like meeting the parents is a big deal, so is introducing your kids: It’s not something you do casually.

Here are some things to remember when you are dating.

Everyone you encounter was raised differently.

Individual experiences and beliefs have shaped you into the individual you are. So you have two imperfect people coming together with all their baggage, attempting to get to know each other. This will play a part in how you relate to one another. 

Speaking of baggage, many people have deep hurt from previous relationships or divorce.

You may need to take time to heal before trying to establish a new relationship. Because we take all our individual issues and bring them to the table, it’s extremely important to take time to heal.

Even men don’t have good answers.

I asked three men their opinions on why single women like me have such a difficult time finding a suitable partner.

Unfortunately, I got a lot of outdated perspectives. One of them suggested that men are intimidated by successful women. Another even suggested we make men think they’re in charge and learn to stroke their egos. What is this, 1952?

I’ll end with this. Maybe the key is simple: Find someone whose “crazy” you can deal with. Grin. 

Peace,

Kandis 

 

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