A Foreword:
I have known Heather for more than 25 years. She wrote the following article based off the article that I wrote for Curvicality about my heart attack. She was inspired to tell her story. Heather passed away on January 27, 2020. She will be missed by so many people. She was a beautiful soul that is lost to this world. When you read the article, you will understand though her life was cut short, she had finally found happiness and contentment with who she was. I am grateful that she was a part of my life and hope her article will be an inspiration to someone else. Her article was an inspiration to me as she was in life. Rest in peace, my beautiful friend. — Jennifer Wickert
In my 20s, I felt like I was going nowhere. I was working about 80 hours a week as a fast food manager while going to school. That was not the life that I had dreamed of as a young girl.
My life seemed like a series of unfortunate events. I felt I was not living up to my full potential. All I wanted was to have the house, the kids, the husband and a law degree — and to have a fabulous singing career. I mean, what’s so wrong with that?
There was nothing wrong with that, however, I didn’t feel like I was good enough. I thought I was a failure and that I was always going to be a failure. I felt, as I am sure many of you have felt, stuck and marginalized. I remember sitting in my apartment as a 25-year-old woman thinking there has to be more to life. Now, some 21 years later, I am living my dreams as I have never lived them before.
This is what living out loud as a plus-size woman means to me:
There are many stereotypes about plus-size women, but I choose to defy them. Today, I work for a law firm as a paralegal; I own a small cleaning business, and I’m the lead vocalist for a high-energy pop music experience which will launch next summer. I also am heavily involved in a fundraiser that helps support the neonatal unit at a local hospital. And by the way, I’m back in school, four courses away from my undergraduate degree. Once I’ve finished that, it’s on to law school!
I work between 75-100 hours a week and I love every minute of it. I am living my dreams.
I think too many of us live in fear of failure. We may be afraid of disappointment. We may be afraid of sacrifice and hard work. We may have people around us telling us we are crazy and what we are doing will never work.
I have literally had all those fears. I have experienced failure and disappointment and have resented working hard without, seemingly, anyone even noticing. I have been accused of being crazy and I’ve been told I was wasting my time and would never succeed.
But no one’s dream is a waste of time.
If you want to bake pies and sell them out of a tiny trailer on a roadside, you go for it, sister! If you have dreamt of doing something your whole life, then give it a go. It is not a waste of time.
Playing it safe can leave us dissatisfied and longing for something more, something greater. As plus-size women, we are sometimes marginalized. We are told we are not beautiful and sexy. We are told we need to be realistic about what we can accomplish. But I say, live your dreams!
My dreams drive me to ignore the assumptions about what a plus-size woman can do. I work harder than I thought possible. I stand in front of people and sing professionally. I believe that I will stand in front of a judge and jury and argue cases for my clients. I choose to live my dreams, and I want every woman of every size to be empowered to do the same.
What I’m saying here is that you can be extraordinary if you refuse to be afraid to try. It’s true that you might fail. And it’s true that you might be ridiculed and told that what you are doing is a waste of time. But what if you succeed?
As 2020 unfolds, I do not want to see women settling. I want to see women thriving and achieving greatness. You can do what you’ve dreamed. Don’t limit yourself. Live your life out loud, darling!
Here is a link to Heather’s obituary, in case you want to leave condolences for her family.
