Jordan Peterson has opinions about just about everything and mistakenly believes we can’t wait to hear them all. He fancies himself an intellectual and had actual academic credibility until he began engaging in oddball topics that made him a YouTube star. While he retains his academic credentials, it must have escaped him that legit intellectuals don’t often get into online arguments about whether a given woman is beautiful.
Peterson, however, perhaps feeling that people have not been paying enough attention to him and his odd ideas, like his all-beef diet, decided the world needed to know that he didn’t find Sports Illustrated cover model Yumi Nu beautiful.
“Sorry. Not beautiful. And no amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that,” Peterson tweeted.
He didn’t say whether it’s Nu’s Asian heritage, plus-size body or something else that set him off and made him decide the world needed to know his opinions about a particular woman’s appearance.
But let’s repeat that phrase: “authoritarian tolerance”? Really?
Oh, crap. We may as well come clean. Yes, Mr. Peterson is right. There is a vast, secret, authoritarian movement that seeks to take over the world. Putting Yumi Nu on the cover of Sports Illustrated was just the first part of the plan.
“Curses!” said Ms. X, a curvy authoritarian and the mastermind of the plot, upon learning that Peterson was onto her.
Ms. X, along with a coterie of other plus-sized, politically minded bikini babes, had big plans.
“The Sports Illustrated cover was Phase 1,” Ms. X admitted. “In Phase 2, we were going to do something about all the world leaders who are unattractive older men. We strongly believe the world would be a better place if every person in power had a big old juicy butt and some bodacious boobs.
“And in Phase 3, we had planned to do some corporate takeovers of the world’s largest companies. Like the world leaders, most captains of industry are frankly not very attractive older men. We very much believe empowered plus-sized ladies who love themselves just as they are would make the world a better place while also improving shareholder returns.
“We would have succeeded, too, if not for Mr. Peterson and his oh-so-scientific arguments about female attractiveness. He was just too darned smart for us.”
We could not confirm rumors that Peterson plans next to tweet the following: “Pineapple-Upside-Down cake? Sorry. Not delicious. And no amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that.”
Sorry. Not beautiful. And no amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that. https://t.co/rOASeeQvee— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) May 16, 2022