Share on facebook

Why I Started an Instagram to Beat Body Dysmorphia

Curvicality Your Stories - Personal, uplifting real-life stories for curvy women, by curvy women.
My struggle with body acceptance began as early as elementary school. My family shamed me and gave me nicknames like thunder thighs or squatty body. I was always the biggest one on the cheer squad or ballet or gymnastics.

It didn’t seem to matter what I could do, I was always faced with the ultimatum of “if you could just lose 20 pounds.” I tried all the diets in high school and eventually destroyed my metabolism by starving myself.

During my life, I was also constantly shamed by doctors. I have a thyroid disorder, and instead of checking my levels, they’d introduce a new diet or tell me to keep a food log. When I would turn in my log, they’d accuse me of lying.

Obviously I secretly eat, or else I wouldn’t be so big. During pregnancy, I gained between 30 and 40 pounds each time. Each appointment would turn into a lecture about my weight, not about my baby.

Eventually, I left my abusive marriage after 13 years. I always blamed my weight on his infidelity. If only I were smaller, if only I were built differently, if only this or that.

But when I met my new husband, all those insecurities melted away. The way he would look at me or touch me just solidified a million times over that I was beautiful inside and out.

I know that seems unhealthy that him being a rock of stability was exactly what I needed to fight the demons that lived in my head, but I was so beaten down from the previous 32 years.

When I turned 40, I decided to start an Instagram account (@Hourglassmama). It was for me to take a photo daily to prove to myself that my body dysmorphia was in my head. I wanted to see if I could push through the bouts of depression and still take photos. I wanted to be able to look back at the pics previously taken (when I knew I was in a funk) so I could see that I physically did not change, at least not as drastically as the mirror showed me.

Body Dysmorphia

DEFINITION: Body Dysmorphia

1) Being extremely preoccupied with a perceived flaw in appearance that to others can’t be seen or appears minor.
2) Strong belief that you have a defect in your appearance that makes you ugly or deformed.
3) Belief that others take special notice of your appearance in a negative way or mock you.

That journey led to me trying on lingerie and posting reviews. Being five-foot-two and in between sizes left me in a sizing void. The more I posted, the more I realized that my body type needed to be represented in social media. So I just kept at it.

In the first year, I had over 250,000 followers. Most of my followers are not my target market BUT when I do get that direct message from a woman I inspired or the husband who bought outfits for his wife, it makes it all worth it. The little stories from fans saying that seeing a stretch marked belly or cellulite-covered thighs looking all sexy made them realize that their body is also beautiful.

It has been a struggle to stay motivated at times, from haters, to algorithms, to depression weeks or months. But I still am out there buying outfits and “modeling” them so other women can be inspired to feel beautiful in the skin they’re in.

Body Dysmorphia

What have I realized on my body acceptance journey so far?

💋  Bra and panty sets are impossible to find for my size. (My body type is in a size void.)
💋  Just because lingerie doesn’t fit doesn’t mean it’s because I’m too fat or too curvy.
💋  When your husband (or wife) tells you jiggling or bouncing is sexy, LISTEN! They’re right.
💋  Bodies have stretch marks and cellulite. My lumps and stripes are not a defect.
💋  Meeting a goal weight doesn’t make me happy or feel any better about my appearance.
💋  Weight fluctuations are normal and just fine.
💋  It’s ok to be sad. And it’s ok to be sad as long as you need to be sad.
💋  Taking a photo a day despite how you’re feeling is a great way to see that your self-body shaming issue is in your head.
💋  Buying a goal dress or jeans doesn’t serve me anymore. I’m ok with the size I am NOW.
💋  Sizing makes no sense whatsoever, so it doesn’t matter if I have to order a 2XL or a medium. Size doesn’t define me.
💋  Food isn’t “bad.” I am not “bad” for eating pizza or drinking too much rum.
💋  Boobs sag and they look just as good hanging as they do pushed up in a bra.
💋  Being sexy does not define me as being a sex object.

Leave a Reply

If you liked this, you might also like these:

Rachel Micheletti
Influencers to Watch

Influencer Spotlight: Rachel Micheletti

If you ask Rachel Micheletti the meaning of life, she’ll say: “The meaning of life is looking for magic everywhere and making it yourself where there is none.” Photos by Jose Pagan.