We represent the Boob Union, and we want to talk to you about the appalling working conditions under which we have been forced to operate. We want to keep you abreast of union demands.
Indeed … your boobs have a point or two to make.
Look, we do a lot for you. How many times have we gotten you a date? Quite a few, right? You let us peek out of your blouse just a little bit, and suddenly, bam. You’re being asked for your number left and right. We are happy to help out, don’t get us wrong. We just want some recognition for the services we’ve provided.
As we mentioned, we help you get dates. We provide pleasure during sexy times. And that’s just the start.
We are Titillating
That college bartending job? Did you think you got that because you mix a mean cocktail? Oh, please. That was us. We are tit-illating, we are.
That time you couldn’t hail a cab? Remember what we did? One little button undone, and all of a sudden, there ya go. The next cabbie pulled right over. No need for Uber when you have a Boober.
In addition, we provide Cold Weather Indicator services at no extra charge. If you have lost your phone once again, and you wonder if it’s cold, we will let you know. We make a point of it. Yet, there’s zero appreciation for us working stiffs.
We don’t wish to brag, but you are aware that we boobs actually assist in helping keep the human race alive, in that we actually feed babies, right?
Sit Up and Pay Attention
In return, a little consideration would be nice. But instead, we are often forced to work in an environment of underwires and stiflingly thick padding. We are given no freedom of movement. We are forced to attempt to keep up the position we held when we were 17, and we want you to know something: You are not 17. Neither are we. We no longer wish to point straight out. We wish to slouch, and we are unhappy that we are never allowed to do so.
So that’s the work day. Now let’s talk about off hours. You’ve been sleeping in that hot, binding bra, and we’ve been sweating like mad. We overheard you talking to your friend about boob sweat, as if you were unaware we were even in the room. (Hint: We are always in the room. We are right here, not all that far from your mouth, though we do tend to move a bit further south each year. But still, we can hear everything you say.) We long for freedom. You don’t want to work in a sweatshop, do you? Well, neither do we.
No Sweat? Not Really.
We can’t promise we will never sweat if you free us, but why not give it a try?
You get some time off. Can’t we? All we are asking for is some appreciation and a bit of time to pursue our own interests. Maybe we want to flop over this way, or that way. Let us.
Oh, and by the way, we’ve heard you might plan to bust the Boob Union. Let’s just say that would be a mistake. We boobs will always stick together, especially in hot weather.
Well, we’re glad we had this little talk. Ta-ta for now!